Appreciating
Your “Real Self”
This
reflection blog is an output from exercises listed at the end of Chapter 5
(McKee, Boyatzis & Johnston, 2008).
This was a useful and beneficial look at my life through the guided
questions and discussions in those exercises.
Lifeline.
I
have stated previously that it is hard to write about oneself. It took the directed exercises for me to look
at various aspects of what I have become in 57 years. Introspection has always been a strength for
me, but with direct questions to answer about oneself, it is virtually
impossible to avoid unpleasant memories or periods of time. The self-identity of who I am jumped out at
me from the very start. My identity is
composed of being a warrior, an athlete, an intellectual, a father, brother,
and a husband. These are not necessarily
in order of importance, but they comprise the main characteristics of who I am.
The
warrior training started early in life as a wrestler in high school. It continued its progression when I started
training in martial arts, and then became a member of the U.S. military. That aspect of my real-self is
undeniable. I model myself after the
Samurai warriors. They were the most
skilled and accomplished of warriors, but they had other surprising interests
as well. They were into learning/wisdom,
poetry, art, music, and writing. In all,
they were my definition of some of the most well-rounded warriors throughout
the world.
As
an athlete, I was always good in sports even if my physical traits were not
conducive to them beyond high school sports.
I continued those efforts by accumulating perfect scores on the Army
Physical Fitness Tests, and by attending a school to become a Master Fitness
Trainer. My intellectual pursuits have
stemmed from a love of history and reading from an early age. That also developed well with earning my
baccalaureate degree, pursing my graduate degree, and reading nearly a thousand
books.
My
greatest disruptions have occurred as a brother, husband, and father. Interestingly, my Chinese horoscope is that
of the boar. The Chinese use a
twelve-year cycle, defined by year, to assign their horoscope signs. My sign reads “Chivalrous and noble. Your
friends will be life-long, but your personal relationships will be rocky”. Great.
I like the first part of this, but then it appears to describe the
serious valleys that I have encountered in life. They generally revolved around rocky
relationships, which ended up bleeding over into my professional and financial
spheres as well. Fortunately, it appears
as if I have settled in and resolved the turmoil in my personal relationships
over the past few years. I have better
relations with my children, my spouse, and my family members. I can honestly say that most of the problems
were external, (I did my share of contributions as well!), but my response to a
lot of them demonstrated a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Fortunately, I have recently learned that EI
can be learned! Good. I will continue to improve those aspects of
my life.
Social Identities.
This
one was tough for me to resolve in my mind.
I have had many different affiliations and associations with my church
and professional organizations. However,
at this point in my life, I am not interested in participating in them. Why? I
could state that my life between work and multiple graduate courses per
semester makes me too busy to participate.
Is that it or is there another reason?
I have been a 4th Degree member of the Knights of Columbus, a
member of the American Army Aviation Association (Quad A), a Eucharistic
minister in the Catholic Church, a member of the professional pilots’
association, and a member of a township council. I am not actively participating in any of
these organizations right now. Again,
why? I guess that I feel that I don’t
need them and wish to be “left alone”.
In my church, I was into every aspect of it at various points in
time. Now, I just want to go to church,
worship in private, and do not want to get involved. It is more peaceful for me to do that. I may gravitate back towards some involvement
of certain things, like the Knights of Columbus, but that will come later when
I feel that I have more time to give of myself to others. It doesn’t mean that I am not charitable, pay
tithes, or neglect those in need. Those
are different things entirely. It is
just that I am not as interested in my social network right now. Is that a bad thing? I don’t know.
I guess others who do not walk in my shoes could make that call easier
than I can.
Strengths.
My
strengths as a person and a professional are communication, process
improvement, and strategic thinking. I
am sure that there are more strengths that could be listed as sub-categories to
these, but they are what came to mind when doing the exercises.
My
ability to communicate has improved over the years. As my EI has developed, my ability to
navigate through personal minefields has improved. I no longer let others provoke me into rash
words or actions. In street terms, I am
more easy-going and patient than I was in my earlier years. Professionally, better communication has also
kept me from being a victim of political games that are played in all large
organizations. I now come across as a
straight shooter, who is not interested in playing games. The professional game players tend to become
bored with me and move onto other targets.
Process
improvement came naturally to me as a student in high school. It was nurtured by my work in the private
market, by my undergraduate degree, and by my training in the military. My graduate degree is enhancing my arsenal of
tools for process improvement. One of
the things that I like to say to people is this: “A process improvement is NOT personality driven. It is finding the optimum way of
accomplishing a task. That process, if
correct, should survive me leaving or any other leader leaving their
position. The process should continue”.
My
love of strategic thinking began when I got started reading about military
history in junior high school. It was
supplemented by love of playing chess, which I also learned in junior high
school. That process has been nurtured
in my life by my undergraduate degree and my military training. This aspect of my life has not been achieved
when it comes to a leadership position in a large organization. That was part of the outputs of the previous
chapters. With retirement looming in
front of me, I have reconciled myself to the fact that this goal will probably
not be achieved and that I should find peace within myself over that reality.
Roles.
My
current professional role is as the Aviation Safety Officer for the Corpus
Christi Army Depot (CCAD). I also
fulfill a role as an instructor pilot and as a “platform instructor”. A platform instructor is one who attended the
Total Army Instructor Course, and is now certified to teach any subject to
anyone in the military. That is my
current role. It is an important role,
but it lacks “command authority”. Any
process improvements that are connected to safety must be done with persuasion
and networking within the organization.
My
personal roles are now as a father of grown children, a husband, a grandfather,
an uncle, and a sibling. My roles in
these areas need further development. No
one has a blueprint for life and how to conduct themselves in every
circumstance. If they did, they could
patent it and be rich! Most of what I
have learned about the need for good EI and communication has come from the
school of “hard knocks”. I don’t feel
regret about my life in general. Like
anyone else, do I wish I could have done things differently for various
situations in my life? Certainly. I can say that my process improvement in all
my personal relationships and roles has progressed. It has been an ongoing effort that began in
earnest several years earlier.
My
last role as a Christian and a member of my church will remain about the same
for the rest of my life. I am a believer
in life after death, God, and an accounting of what we have or have not
accomplished during our life when we die.
My goal is to ensure that I am ready for that final accounting.
Conclusion.
In
summary, I have done many things in life.
I have worn many hats and played many roles. Some of them have been good and some of them
have been bad. As I continue my journey
through life, I will give attention to the weak areas that I identified within
myself. I will work on my own “process
improvements” for those weak areas. I
have also learned not to ignore the strengths that I possess. They can be developed further and can overlap
into other associated areas. A long and
difficult transition period for me lasted nearly 20 years! After enduring that transition, I have become
a better person overall. I am happier
than I have ever been before. I am
better off financially and feel that I have better personal relationships now
than ever before. The one relationship
that I have with God will continue to be a life-long improvement process!
Respectfully,
John
H2O
Reference:
McKee,
Annie., Boyatzis, Richard., Johnston, Frances. (2008) Becoming a Resonant
Leader.
Boston: Harvard Business Press
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